06/17/2004: "[A Digital Sigh]"

Listening to: The Blackheart Procession - 2
Current mood: despondant

Somewhere over the Sierra Nevada mountains in a steel and glass capsule kept aloft by sheer thrust the girl I love more than anything hurtles through the empty night sky towards the second phase of her vacation. Yep, as of an hour ago Lynnea is gone and with her my momentary desire to live. It seems to work out lately that just when I start feeling really close to her we're hugging eachother goodbye, and it's back to the common despair.

For those that don't know, or don't realize, Lynnea and I have been carrying on an 800 mile long distance relationship for the past, well, it'll be exactly four years as of sunday. But actually, believe it or not, there's one bright point in tonight's gloom: this was the last goodbye. After four years and more tear-filled goodbyes than I care to remember it's almost over. Another three or four weeks and I won't ever have to spend months at a time missing her again. Actually I think part of tonight's depression is based on the fact that I can't even wrap my mind around a post-missing Lynnea existence. Sure, I've always spent the summers with her, three months or so, but there's always been a black pointy-toothed cloud hanging over the end of August. That's not to say everything will be perfect. I'll be switching from missing Lynnea to missing my friends in San Diego. Fall may still find me moping around feeling lonely, but maybe it won't be as bad.

Eh, sorry for this post. I'm sure these overly-personal ones don't go over that well. Sometimes I just have to go over this stuff for my own benefit. And you know, actually I am feeling a little better. Guess it just proves that even if no one wants to read it, blogging can be good for the soul.

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