07/03/2005: "Batman Snarks"

So... like I promised a few hours ago, Batman Begins. It was uh, well it was definitely a fun movie, and definitely the best Batman flick yet made. But it wasn't quite the Aronofsky directed adaptation of Batman: Year One were we pitched awhile back. Actually it was probably more fun than that would have been, but still. Basically I liked the whole thing except for a few nits which I will attempt expound upon in a way wherein I intend to be humourous but instead come across as awkward. I'll try not to spoil anything plotwise. Um, if you haven't seen it and don't want to hear anything about it like the fact that Scarecrow is secretly Batman's illegitimate former roommate - whoops. But you get the point.

Nit #1 - Explosions. Really pretty much nothing ever explodes in real life. At least it's rare. I think it's especially rare for buildings to explode. Even if they have some amount of gunpowder in them, that doesn't mean the entire structure will explode all over the place. Unless they accidentally used bricks made entirely of solidified gunpowder but I don't think that would be up to code. And even if you're a ninja I bet you don't want the Building Inspector on your ass. Furthermore most electronic devices don't let out massive clouds of fire when they break. Maybe you'd get a few sparks but not much else. I mean it might make life a little more interesting if people's walkmen (or iPods?) routinely exploded when they broke, but as it is you rarely see anybody running around screaming and punching a flaming blob of plastic attached to their hip. Though when you do, it's always hilarious.

Nit #2 - Shaky Cam/Jump Cuts. I know that it's the hip style in Hollywood right now to try to capture the essence of a fight scene by shaking the camera around a whole lot and doing lots of really quick cuts. But you know what? It sucks. You can't tell what's going on. In such scenes I usually find myself sitting there thinking, "Huh, I guess something is happening. Maybe once all this shaking and whatnot is over I'll be able to figure out what it was." Now, this isn't a Batman-only snark, but it was certainly guilty (see the fight on the train).

Nit #3 - Hollywood: STOP TRYING TO GIVE BATMAN A LOVE INTEREST. HE DOESN'T REALLY HAVE ONE. Yes, Spidey does, Supes does, Wolverine has a few, but Batman pretty much doesn't. Please stop trying to invent one for every movie. Especially one who knows his secret identity.

Nit #4 - Christian Bale looks silly in the Bat suit. There, I said it.

But that said, that's all I can really think to complain about. The cinematography was good, the acting was mostly pretty good, plot was alright. And the fact that they somehow used a magical machine to suck Jim Gordon out of comicbookland a drop him in the movie is cool enough to earn it an Anti-Nit. Actually I don't even know why I'm bothering to write this since this review by Tom Spurgeon really sums it up perfectly. So go there and read that if you're interested.