05/18/2004: "Infernal Jumpropes"

Listening to: Belle & Sebastian - Dear Catastrophe Waitress
Current mood: bored/restless

Once again, I don't have anything of interest to post. The subject is the best part of this post. You can stop reading now if you like, you won't miss anything. I'm just in this mood right now where I have to do something semi-creative, and since I haven't blogged in a couple days this seems like a good place to start at least. Though saying I haven't blogged in a couple days is only slightly right; I actually spent over an hour last night writing up a post that I eventually decided to scrap. It was one of those it's-2am-and-I'm-depressed type of posts that just make you want slap and/or throttle the person who writes it. Here, I'll sum it up for you: "Sigh. Angst angst. Complain. Sigh. Whine. Pretend not to whine, but do it anyway. Complain complain, angst."

Sometimes I think that there's some slightly damaged part of me that causes me to exercise my demons, rather than exorcise them. Heh, lame joke I know, but it some ways it's true. No matter what I do to try to get rid of them they just get stronger, leaner, quicker, more agile. I can see them there, in their spandex and leg warmers... "One, two, three, four, angst, angst, mope, whine!" It's the mental feedback syndrome. You get these ideas in your head and the more you try to dismiss them, the more they consume your brain until you're lying there half-asleep at three in the morning with the same scene looping again and again in your head. It's been hitting me far too often lately. I think the latest wave is over, but who knows, maybe they're just off against the wall squirting water in their mouths and stretching.

You know, sometimes, I read back what I've written and all I can think is... what the hell am I talking about. Heh, hell. Get it?